People never really knew what to do with Bonnie.
When she was very young, most people treated her like there was something wrong with the way she acted. At three years old she drew a map of the entire world all over her grandmothers living room furniture. When she was six, she hypnotized a boy in her class and covered him with ink, drawing symbols all over him. When the teacher asked her what she was doing, she looked at her work and simply said, "I'm preparing him for the end of the world." Later that afternoon, the world ended. But the only person who noticed was Bonnie. Even the boy she covered in sacred symbols never saw the dragons crushing the planet under their wings, the demons howling up from the ocean and consuming the shore. The only person who saw it was Bonnie, the only person to thank the Warriors who beat them back and rebuilt reality was Bonnie.
At eight years old she helped a dying kingdom rebuild its crumbling walls. The king thanked her for all her help and a very confused gardener walked away from the farm, grateful for this strange magickal girl that lived there and knew where all the roots were.
From her view, everything seemed normal. Cars were terrible beasts, legends were born in every sentence and the fantastic never stopped when she woke up from the night. The reality that every other person tried to stuff her brain into was so flat and dull that her mind wouldn't accept it as true. She would lose herself in the afternoon sky and people always said, "Oh what an active imagination! She's so creative!". What they didn't see were the endless battles of the Sky Giants protecting their Ring Hordes from the Black Dawn. At age ten she brought a pumpkin to school for lunch and when the teacher asked her why, she said nothing.
Bonnie looked up from her desk at this gargoyle leering down at her and could not understand why the pumpkin would seem out of place to it. It's a gargoyle, she thought, why does it care if I have a pumpkin? As she held on to her pumpkin with all her might, she saw the faces of the other kids in her class, laughing and pointing, jeering or just looking away. Gargoyles were everywhere then, grasping and tearing at her skin and trying to wrestle this food away from her grip. She closed her eyes and wished them all away. All the laughing kids, all the gargoyles, even the pumpkin.
Bonnie was alone. The classroom was completely empty. No desks, no papers, no chalkboard. She stopped shaking and looked around, pleased at the quiet of it all. She could see glittering rivers of light flowing through the hallways and could smell the fresh green air from the open doors. She walked slowly out towards the doors of the school and peered outside. The world was silent, still. No hordes of children thronging in the playground, no cars. The roads in front of her school had disappeared and all she could see was green grass and clouds. She stood there, soaking it in and laughing.
The tear in the sky swallowed the sun. Dark clouds bore down where she stood and rain poured out of the sky. Bonnie shielded her eyes as much as she could and tried to make it back inside. The hallway was wet and her foot slipped up as she tried to make it back under cover through the open doorway. Her face hit the ground hard and she could feel something important give way as she fell. Blood oozed from underneath her chest and her head swam in clouds of confusion.
The teachers stood over Bonnie and glared down with disapproval. She lay face first in a pile of broken pumpkin in the hallway and was crying and moaning. She stood up and looked down at her chest in horror and desperately tried to stuff the shattered remains of the pumpkin into her shirt. When chunks would fall off, she would scream and try even harder. All she can remember is the horror of a crushed pumpkin. The jeers of the children, the dying of a sunny day in the grass.
When the school counselor asked Bonnie how she feels, all she did is sit and stare at her, shirt and hair covered in pumpkin. The conversation ignores her. Her mother is there. The words float above and beyond her. All she can think of is the loss of that sky, the end of a perfect day. Her tears flow like rain now, her cries reach out past the school and into the echoing hallways of the universe. Something wakes up. Something starts to fly.
The next morning as Bonnie feeds her invisible spider and gets ready for school, her mother comes to her room to meet her.
"Bonnie, it's time to go see the doctor honey. You're not going to school today."
Bonnie looked up at her mom and simply smiled. "OK mom. Can we go get breakfast afterwords?"
The car ride passes slowly and Bonnie is watching the horses try and keep up with the car. Laughing the whole way there, she pats the white one on the nose when they get out of the car and follows her mom up to the entrance to the building. Inside, all is cool and bright. The glare of the white light pushes into her brain and she starts getting nervous. Her mom tightens her grip slightly and leads her into the office of the doctor.
The doctor asks Bonnie a lot of questions. How many horses were there on the way here? How often do you see them? Does your invisible spider eat? The morning drags on and Bonnie starts to get bored with the doctors questions. How can he not know the answers already? What kind of doctor does not know about the Sky Giants?
As the car pulls away from the office she can see the horses start to gallop again. They follow her all the way to the diner and hang out right outside the window where Bonnie and her mom sit.
"Bonnie, I've got a pill I want you to take every morning. The doctor said that these will help you concentrate. They'll help you with schoolwork and keep you focused on important things."
Bonnie stared at the tiny white pill. It was so tiny. So blindingly brilliantly white. It must be good. Besides, she wanted to do good in school, it made her mom so happy. She popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed it with a big gulp of orange juice. Not too bad, she thought. Breakfast arrived and she devoured it whole.
As she followed her mom out to the car she started to panic. The horses were gone. Not even a trace remained. No hoof prints, no smell. She worried the whole way home. What could have happened to the horses? They had been running alongside the car ever since she could remember, they kept other cars away from her and her mom, kept them safe from the other beasts that roamed the streets. What would they do now that the horses weren't protecting them?
The hit never registered in her mind. All she remembered was waking up in the hospital with her mom crying and leaning over her. Her mind felt like someone had stuffed cotton in her head and everything she looked at was blurred out. She looked down at her feet and saw that the right side of her body was covered in a cast. "Mom? what happened?" Her mother sobbed more and held her hand tight. "We were in a bad car accident. You leg got hurt when the truck hit us and now you're in the hospital." Bonnie thought for a moment and looked at her mom. "You shouldn't have made the horses go away."
After three years of pills, Bonnie didn't see the Sky Giants any more. She didn't miss the horses and she had long ago gotten rid of the tank for her invisible spider. Her mind was sharp, focused and her grades in school were excellent. The kids in her class didn't call her Bonnie Bonkers any more. The past was the past.
The dreams were not so easily ignored. Every night she woke up sobbing in the dark, some unknown sadness gripping at her and not letting her go. She could never put a finger on it and the wear it put on her was starting to show. Her performance at school was starting to lag. The doctor and her mom took note of this and decided that it was time for her to start a new pill.
"Bonnie, these are anti-depressants. They will help you deal with your sadness and make your life easier to bear."
Bonnie was willing to do anything to push the shadows from her mind and she took the new blue pills with resignation. That night she swallowed the blue pill and drifted off to sleep. She woke in the morning with a start. She had dreamt nothing. For the first time in here life, she slept without a dream. This scared her more than the nightmares so she went and talked with her mom.
"Mom, I don't know if these blue pills are helping. I didn't dream anything last night, and I always dream."
"That's good sweetheart, you slept all the way through the night. How do you feel this morning? Are you sad?"
"No, I'm not sad. I'm not.... anything."
"That's great honey, that's great. I'm glad to know you're not sad anymore."
Bonnie stared out at the farm and saw nothing. Felt nothing. Was Nothing.
She went to school.
At eight years old she helped a dying kingdom rebuild its crumbling walls. The king thanked her for all her help and a very confused gardener walked away from the farm, grateful for this strange magickal girl that lived there and knew where all the roots were.
From her view, everything seemed normal. Cars were terrible beasts, legends were born in every sentence and the fantastic never stopped when she woke up from the night. The reality that every other person tried to stuff her brain into was so flat and dull that her mind wouldn't accept it as true. She would lose herself in the afternoon sky and people always said, "Oh what an active imagination! She's so creative!". What they didn't see were the endless battles of the Sky Giants protecting their Ring Hordes from the Black Dawn. At age ten she brought a pumpkin to school for lunch and when the teacher asked her why, she said nothing.
Bonnie looked up from her desk at this gargoyle leering down at her and could not understand why the pumpkin would seem out of place to it. It's a gargoyle, she thought, why does it care if I have a pumpkin? As she held on to her pumpkin with all her might, she saw the faces of the other kids in her class, laughing and pointing, jeering or just looking away. Gargoyles were everywhere then, grasping and tearing at her skin and trying to wrestle this food away from her grip. She closed her eyes and wished them all away. All the laughing kids, all the gargoyles, even the pumpkin.
Bonnie was alone. The classroom was completely empty. No desks, no papers, no chalkboard. She stopped shaking and looked around, pleased at the quiet of it all. She could see glittering rivers of light flowing through the hallways and could smell the fresh green air from the open doors. She walked slowly out towards the doors of the school and peered outside. The world was silent, still. No hordes of children thronging in the playground, no cars. The roads in front of her school had disappeared and all she could see was green grass and clouds. She stood there, soaking it in and laughing.
The tear in the sky swallowed the sun. Dark clouds bore down where she stood and rain poured out of the sky. Bonnie shielded her eyes as much as she could and tried to make it back inside. The hallway was wet and her foot slipped up as she tried to make it back under cover through the open doorway. Her face hit the ground hard and she could feel something important give way as she fell. Blood oozed from underneath her chest and her head swam in clouds of confusion.
The teachers stood over Bonnie and glared down with disapproval. She lay face first in a pile of broken pumpkin in the hallway and was crying and moaning. She stood up and looked down at her chest in horror and desperately tried to stuff the shattered remains of the pumpkin into her shirt. When chunks would fall off, she would scream and try even harder. All she can remember is the horror of a crushed pumpkin. The jeers of the children, the dying of a sunny day in the grass.
When the school counselor asked Bonnie how she feels, all she did is sit and stare at her, shirt and hair covered in pumpkin. The conversation ignores her. Her mother is there. The words float above and beyond her. All she can think of is the loss of that sky, the end of a perfect day. Her tears flow like rain now, her cries reach out past the school and into the echoing hallways of the universe. Something wakes up. Something starts to fly.
The next morning as Bonnie feeds her invisible spider and gets ready for school, her mother comes to her room to meet her.
"Bonnie, it's time to go see the doctor honey. You're not going to school today."
Bonnie looked up at her mom and simply smiled. "OK mom. Can we go get breakfast afterwords?"
The car ride passes slowly and Bonnie is watching the horses try and keep up with the car. Laughing the whole way there, she pats the white one on the nose when they get out of the car and follows her mom up to the entrance to the building. Inside, all is cool and bright. The glare of the white light pushes into her brain and she starts getting nervous. Her mom tightens her grip slightly and leads her into the office of the doctor.
The doctor asks Bonnie a lot of questions. How many horses were there on the way here? How often do you see them? Does your invisible spider eat? The morning drags on and Bonnie starts to get bored with the doctors questions. How can he not know the answers already? What kind of doctor does not know about the Sky Giants?
As the car pulls away from the office she can see the horses start to gallop again. They follow her all the way to the diner and hang out right outside the window where Bonnie and her mom sit.
"Bonnie, I've got a pill I want you to take every morning. The doctor said that these will help you concentrate. They'll help you with schoolwork and keep you focused on important things."
Bonnie stared at the tiny white pill. It was so tiny. So blindingly brilliantly white. It must be good. Besides, she wanted to do good in school, it made her mom so happy. She popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed it with a big gulp of orange juice. Not too bad, she thought. Breakfast arrived and she devoured it whole.
As she followed her mom out to the car she started to panic. The horses were gone. Not even a trace remained. No hoof prints, no smell. She worried the whole way home. What could have happened to the horses? They had been running alongside the car ever since she could remember, they kept other cars away from her and her mom, kept them safe from the other beasts that roamed the streets. What would they do now that the horses weren't protecting them?
The hit never registered in her mind. All she remembered was waking up in the hospital with her mom crying and leaning over her. Her mind felt like someone had stuffed cotton in her head and everything she looked at was blurred out. She looked down at her feet and saw that the right side of her body was covered in a cast. "Mom? what happened?" Her mother sobbed more and held her hand tight. "We were in a bad car accident. You leg got hurt when the truck hit us and now you're in the hospital." Bonnie thought for a moment and looked at her mom. "You shouldn't have made the horses go away."
After three years of pills, Bonnie didn't see the Sky Giants any more. She didn't miss the horses and she had long ago gotten rid of the tank for her invisible spider. Her mind was sharp, focused and her grades in school were excellent. The kids in her class didn't call her Bonnie Bonkers any more. The past was the past.
The dreams were not so easily ignored. Every night she woke up sobbing in the dark, some unknown sadness gripping at her and not letting her go. She could never put a finger on it and the wear it put on her was starting to show. Her performance at school was starting to lag. The doctor and her mom took note of this and decided that it was time for her to start a new pill.
"Bonnie, these are anti-depressants. They will help you deal with your sadness and make your life easier to bear."
Bonnie was willing to do anything to push the shadows from her mind and she took the new blue pills with resignation. That night she swallowed the blue pill and drifted off to sleep. She woke in the morning with a start. She had dreamt nothing. For the first time in here life, she slept without a dream. This scared her more than the nightmares so she went and talked with her mom.
"Mom, I don't know if these blue pills are helping. I didn't dream anything last night, and I always dream."
"That's good sweetheart, you slept all the way through the night. How do you feel this morning? Are you sad?"
"No, I'm not sad. I'm not.... anything."
"That's great honey, that's great. I'm glad to know you're not sad anymore."
Bonnie stared out at the farm and saw nothing. Felt nothing. Was Nothing.
She went to school.
She came home.
She studied and she ate.
She studied and she ate.
Something panicked and started flying faster.
The Nothing that had overtaken Bonnie started to have its own needs. It needed sensation. It needed fire. It called out at night and made its wishes known. Bonnie listened and found what nothing wanted most. Booze. Drugs. Sex. Money. Power. Armed with this knowledge she fed it everything it could ever dream of.
Nothing purred and curled up close against her heart. It kept the dreams at bay. It shielded her from pain and fear, Nothing can fill the void, Nothing can keep you content. Nothing led her down the road, across the country and deep into the dark forests of her mind. Bonnie and Nothing lived together for a long time, purring and petting each other. But what she did not see was that while Nothing grew fat and content, Bonnie was withering away.
Something arrived almost too late. Bonnie had become one tiny flame of what had been a bonfire when Something started its journey. It barely recognized her when it flew over the new bridges and concrete that grew over the fields. Something squinted at the tiny light below and rushed down towards the ground. The air screamed and the clouds ran away from the terror of Something. Nothing never saw it coming, it was too busy counting gold and enjoying another drink to pay any attention to the skies.
Something slammed into Bonnie at full speed, bowling her over a picnic table and spilling her beer all over the ground. Something grabbed Nothing in its teeth and wrestled it to the ground. Nothings gold went flying all around and Nothing threw Something off its back.
"Who are you to come barging in here like this? We're quite happy, Bonnie and I."
Something smiled and glared. "I am Something. I have come to kill you for draining all the magick from this girl."
Nothing sneered. "It was not I who drained the magick. It was not I who cast these shadows. Do you blame the mold that takes hold when bread sits out too long?"
Something thought deeply and started circling. "No, I do not blame the vine for choking the tree but I will chop you off at your root."
Something lunged for Nothings throat.
For three years they tore away at each other and Bonnie shook with earthquakes every day. A hundred kingdoms vanished under the might of their battle, a thousand seas went dark with the blood, ten thousand birds flew in terror. Bonnie could only look at the battle that raged and wonder what she could do. The people around her began to wonder at the change. Something had returned but it wasn't there all the time. Bonnie started to notice it too. She worried and fretted, she gnashed her teeth and drank another beer.
After three years of endless warfare, the hundred kingdoms were in tatters. Something and Nothing lay beaten and bleeding under the trees near the edge of the forest. For the first time they noticed Bonnie sitting near them, watching. Too tired to move, they stared at Bonnie with confusion.
Something spoke. "What are you doing here little girl? I have come to save you from Nothing. I will protect you and keep you safe."
Nothing coughed up blood and rasped. "You are a fool Something! She needs me here. She is here to send you away. Bonnie, don't you want to go have a drink with me?"
Bonnie didn't move. She sat there for a long time looking at the pile of fur and broken bones that Something and Nothing had made of each other. As the sun set behind her the Sky Giants peered down from their castles and waited. The birds returned to hear the words and the Demons looked out from their caves.
Finally as dusk set in, Bonnie spoke.
"I remember it now,
those years ago.
Before the anger
Before the pills
Before this warfare
Before the thrills.
Before Nothing and Something
bled the skies red
I had dreamt up a world for me
laying in bed
I see now the truth there is
In what's called psychosis
By demons of logic
Who speak like they know this:
I am Everything, I am my dreams
Everything is exactly just as it seems
I am the savior, I am the sin
Alpha and Omega I scrawl on my skin
To burn this moment into my head
The sight of you both here, verging on dead.
Thank you both for your lessons
I shall not forget
But if there's one thing
I've come to regret
It's believing a savior
could find me my rest.
Believing there's challenges
I need help to best.
I'll be walking away now
to leave this behind
To recognize Everything
and live free in mind."
"I remember it now,
those years ago.
Before the anger
Before the pills
Before this warfare
Before the thrills.
Before Nothing and Something
bled the skies red
I had dreamt up a world for me
laying in bed
I see now the truth there is
In what's called psychosis
By demons of logic
Who speak like they know this:
I am Everything, I am my dreams
Everything is exactly just as it seems
I am the savior, I am the sin
Alpha and Omega I scrawl on my skin
To burn this moment into my head
The sight of you both here, verging on dead.
Thank you both for your lessons
I shall not forget
But if there's one thing
I've come to regret
It's believing a savior
could find me my rest.
Believing there's challenges
I need help to best.
I'll be walking away now
to leave this behind
To recognize Everything
and live free in mind."
Bonnie got up and left Something and Nothing behind, their death throes echoing off the mountain sides and their blood soaking the earth. She held Everything tight and it pawed at her hands, curling up against her chest. It was a tiny Everything but she knew it would grow. The Sky Giants were so tiny when they first came to be, but look at them now. No Black Dawn had ever touched their Ring Hordes in all those years she missed. Everything must grow in the fullness of time. As she climbed up the trails towards the home of the Sky Giants she saw the horses playing down on the field below for the first time in a decade and Everything knew she would make it.
She stayed with the Sky Giants until the night, when their vigil begins. She bade them all fare well and headed off to her apartment. Everything was curled up on the bed and begging for food. She sat down and fed it four chapters from a book, a few cigarettes and three beers. Everything was satisfied, Everything was alright.
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